A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to him. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog" and they are on duty during the flight. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is." "I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work." The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says, "Now, just you watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy Sniffer" Then he turns to the man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the police will arrest her when we land." The first man looks amazed and says, "Say, that is really pretty cool." Once again, the agent sends Sniffer off to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. This time the agent tells the man, "That guy is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police." Even more impressed by this, the man says, "Now that's pretty cool, I like it!" The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to cr@p and p!ss all over the place, while all the time whining loudly and repeatedly touching the agent's arm. The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "Jeez pal, what's the hell is going on?" The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bloody bomb!"
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I said May bee.
A man is lying on his deathbed. He smells his favorite cookies being baked by his wife downstairs. He thinks about how wonderful she is as he crawls out of bed, down the stairs and into the kitchen. Just as he’s reaching for a cookie his wife slaps his hand and says, “Don’t touch those, they’re for your funeral!”
Woke up to take shower and the faucet handle came off, went to shave and his last blade fell off, went to leave the house and the door handle fell off. Then he had an urge but was afraid to go to the bathroom.
"It took me forty eight minutes to ejaculate inside a woman," shared one of the attendees. "That's nothing," I replied. "It took me 41 years."
They both take off when things get too tired!
To show he wasn't chicken.
I remember laughing at these for like an hour a couple years ago! I also saw a post like this from 2 years ago, on this subreddit, so credit to that guy for this idea. My favourites: "Hey! Use your own hairbrush!", Tom bristled. "Pete! Pete! Pete! Pete!", Tom repeated. "Woah! Is that Spider-Man?", Tom marvelled.
It was a Clawed Monet.
Tensions have finally reached a boiling point.
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best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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